Thursday, 4 February 2016

LIFE- LOST IN A FUTILE EXAM



It has been really long since I have written something. mostly because I have been too busy racing with life just like many of you out there. Well sometimes in life some moments occur which change you completely, for the better or for the worse.

I have just had mine- it was more a sort of revelation than a finding to be honest. We all have skills in our lives- we all do and each one of us are masters in their own way. The one question that really troubles all of us is who we are inside and what do we want from life!! Isn't it right? Haven't you stared at the mirror at times when you are down and out and asked : " Why me? " or felt so bad that you literally wanted to escape your physical body with the wish to begin anew?? Well I have and I am sure that many will concur to this.

We all fail, we all do. A lot of stuff has been said about how failures are pillars to success and why it is needed and all, but i speak for all when I say that failing sucks!! It hurts like hell. Sometimes it hurts so much that we think we are better of dead. Don't deny it , we all have had "such moments " in our lives. It is nothing to be ashamed of- this is exactly what makes us human. Failing sucks. It gives birth to fear and nothing good can ever be born out of fear. No matter how talented you are, how skilled you are, how rich you are or how privileged you are, you have failed in some way or the other. This feeling feels the same,albeit the circumstances and situations vary. But there is no escape from this- it is just like the traffic on a street which you must endure to get to your destination.

Coming to the point of destination , the definition per se changes when we look at it from the perspective of modern world dynamics. Everyone is racing, every molecule of you is fighting with the negative aura to make your stand firm. Every part of us wants to win, even if at the cost of the other. After all we are programmed that way right- " Survival of the fittest " ? Well winning is good but how a battle is won matters cause unless you feel you have developed in the process and none but you can know that- you have reached that point of your life from where your curve will only spiral downwards. But hey none are perfect,are we? We all have often made such errors  and we still make lots of 'em. Hell I still remember each and every mistake I have made till date. I so wish I could go back and fix them but i can't. I still would have liked to have made better use of my talents and not wither away due to the storms but I did. But hey i am here now and that's the most important thing- the experiences. I feel that no matter what heights you reach or what goals you accomplish, if you haven't enjoyed your climb to the top then it is meaningless. Consider a 100 m race. Years put in just for those 10 seconds of glory. When an athlete looks back he remembers the journey more than that moment. Of course that moment is precious, but if he didn't enjoy the journey, that particular moment won't be an everlasting one. Every mistake we make is a gift from the past to our present to create a better future. Don't be ashamed.

Hell I have been suffering from depression for years and now it does not concern me now to admit it publicly! It is accepting what happens to us that enables us to find a way around it. I've had bad days and worse days. It is painful, hard and so not fair. I have been stupid along the way but one thing I am happy when I look back is that i have never given up. In those moments when literally everything seemed meaningless, I broke down but I didn't quit. I guess that is what has made me into the person i am today. There was a time when i had been arrogant but it was because i was such that i know now why such a trait should be shed. You've gotta experience life for all its varieties . There is no certain fixed destination cause if there were one then once you had reached there, the life after it would have been meaningless. Targeting a job role is vital and not the pay package cause that package won't give you satisfaction at the end. Trust me on this. Once those material desires and lust are satisfied, your life will seem pointless even if you draw a crore per month salary. It is about all you want from life that matters. Feel the sky, the smell of the rain hitting the sun scorched earth, the rustling leaves wheeling down on your head on a breezy day. Hate the perspiration of the sun, hate the mud, and love it at the same time. Commit mistakes cause you have got only one life.

I was a robot to be honest. I thought feelings, emotions were worthless and that being self-dependant was the key. Remember life has no single answer. Even if your answer is a part to life's answer( as a whole ) you will still feel worthless, lonely , isolated and morose. Hold on to your family- your parents cause remember no matter what there's always family. Life hits you from the back. It is a fucking bitch but the thing is neither can you help it nor escape its fangs. You will stoop low. Now i won't quote Sylvester Stallone's dialogue to you now ( hahahha) but in a way he was right. You are a hero in your own way. You have got your own fight just like me. You have people who love and hate you-just like me. You have been humiliated , betrayed and are afraid of a lot of things. We are the only species who can dominate and that's for a reason- we know how to analyse our thoughts. Feelings are important. Let them mould you. Be what you want and no matter how unlucky and how worthless life may seem, just close your eyes and imagine the best moments that you can or imagine stuff. Turn the music on and feel that you have already won. Get that feeling right! It is quite alright to be crazy from time to time. And trust me being average doesn't suck like they tell. The people at the top mostly have no time for life's little pleasures. Maybe they have found their calling in that but is that the same for you? Be strong- love, hate, curse, cry, punch, take a punch, breathe, panic, get wet, go out, feel crappy, feel shitty, imagine stuff, travel and be happy. That's life. That is true achievement if one can truly achieve, not money, not sex, not looks not your status. Live life if you are ambitious cause it is the toughest thing in the world. Don't just race, live!!
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